Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Battlefield England, Part Fifteen

A very rare bit of good news out of Great Britain, where the membership of the National Union of Journalists has abandoned plans for a boycott of Israel: http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,,2123001,00.html.

Undoubtedly, the main factor behind the decision to abandon the planned boycott was the international scorn which was being rightfully heaped onto an organization which was supposed to be unbiased (though if you see anything out of the BBC, you will see how slanted the media there really is).

I do not expect this issue to go away. This is but one small victory in a much larger battle...............

5 comments:

Gordon Brownnose P.M. said...

You know the situation in Britanistan is nowhere near as bad as some of you Americans try to make out. Islam is truly a Religion of Peace with a deep respect for other faiths.

Islam has enriched our British culture with its exotic customs and wonderful cuisine. Just the other day I was up in Blackpool where I enjoyed the most delicious Kuffar Kebabs and Steak Charlene - many thanks to the Funny Boyz restaurant ... http://www.bnp.org.uk/news_detail.php?newsId=839 .

Most of our interfaith problems arise from Zionist troublemakers, such as Melanie Phillips, who have tried to raise doubts about the benevolent intentions of our Muslim friends by quoting out-of-context passages from the Qu'ran.

But I am assured by my Muslim advisors that these are gross misinterpretations, because the Holy Qu'ran can only be fully understood in the original Arabic. For instance the following verses are often misunderstood:

Qu' ran 5:33 The only reward of those who make war upon Allah and His messenger and strive after corruption in the land will be that they will be killed or crucified, or have their hands and feet on alternate sides cut off, or will be expelled out of the land. Such will be their degradation in the world, and in the Hereafter theirs will be an awful doom" is a rather poetic way of saying

"Do not do to another that which would be hurtful to you"


Qur'an:9:5: "Fight and kill the disbelievers wherever you find them, take them captive, harass them, lie in wait and ambush them using every stratagem of war."
really means
"A stranger is just friend you haven't got to know yet"

Qur'an:9:29 "Fight those who do not believe until they all surrender." could perhaps be best expressed as
"Love your neighbour as yourself"


Qur'an:8:39 "So fight them until there is no more Fitnah (disbelief/non-Muslims) and all submit to the religion of Allah alone." is a traditional Arabic idiom meaning
"Help old ladies cross busy roads"

Qur'an:2:216 "Warfare is ordained for you." is a common misinterpretation of the injunction to
"Be kind to animals and birds"

In order to clamp down on any future Islamophobic discourse, the EU has issued a directive requiring all government departments and media to substitute the following phrases with more appropriate terms:

Muslim terrorists are to be described as 'Non-Buddhist activists'

Car bombs are 'Traffic incidents'

Anthrax is '48 hour flu'

Ricin is 'Bean sauce'

Dhimmitude is 'Interfaith dialogue'

Dirty bomb radiation is 'Magic moonbeams'

Muslim criminality is 'Cultural enrichment'

Pedophile rings are 'Koranic study groups'

Grooming is 'Youth outreach'

Kebab takeaways are 'Protein recycling facilities'

Planes crashing into buildings are 'Air traffic control errors'

Al Quada policemen are 'Community liaison officers'

Muslim medical malpractice is 'Patient mortality rate variability'

- Gordon Brownnose P.M.

islamophobia inspector said...

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THIS WEBLOG CONTAINS ISLAMOPHOBIC MATERIAL. UNDER EU REGULATIONS YOU ARE REQUIRED TO TAKE THE FOLLOWING ISLAMOPHOBIA TEST AND REPORT THE RESULTS BACK TO ME, WHEREUPON FURTHER ACTION WILL BE TAKEN AS DESCRIBED AT THE END OF THIS POST.

YOU MAY BE AN ISLAMOPHOBE IF…

(1) You refer to the midwinter holiday as ‘C*****mas’.

(2) You save loose change in a p***y-bank.

(3) You allow your children to read unexpurgated versions of Winnie the Poo.

(4) You doubt whether it’s politically correct to stone rape victims.

(5) You believe that the earth is round.

(6) You think there’s something weird about a 50 year old man marrying a six year old girl.

(7) Your children play with Barbie dolls, teddy bears or LEGO.

(8) You object to being a third class citizen in your own country.

(9) You fail to celebrate cultural diversity when your daughter is gang-raped for not wearing a headscarf.

(10) You think government policy should be determined by your elected representatives rather than a raging mob.

(11) You object to your taxes being used to support people who are plotting to kill you.

(12) You aren’t convinced that ‘Jihad’ means ‘Inner Spiritual Struggle’.

(13) You don’t understand why the Jews must be exterminated.

(14) You aren’t married to at least one of your cousins.

(15) You don’t have sex with your daughter-in-law.

(16) You sometimes have doubts about BBC reporting.

(17) You occasionally wonder what’s inside those walking tents.

(18) You realise that taqiyya is not a Mexican drink.

(19) You believe moderate Muslims ride unicorns.

(20) You don’t appreciate the multicultural need for Methodist grandmothers to be body-cavity searched before boarding aircraft.

(21) You claim to understand the words “Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them", even though you don’t speak Arabic.

(22) You fail to see the difference between criticising Islam, which is racism, and criticising Christianity, Buddhism or Hinduism, which is free-speech.

(23) You have reservations about ‘faith schools’ where the kids will be taught that you and your family are najis (excrement), at public expense.

(24) You don’t understand why flying your country’s flag has become a hate-crime.

(25) You don’t believe that God is a brothel-keeper.

EVALUATING YOUR SCORE
How many of the questions did you answer ‘YES’ ?

On a scale of 0 to 25
0 you are a Dhimmi and will be nominated for the Neville Chamberlain Peace Prize.

1 to 5 you are a Najis Kaffir.

6 to 10 you are an Islamophobe.

11 to 15 you are a Thought Criminal.

16 to 20 you are an Enemy of Allah.

21 to 25 you are a Zionist Crusader offspring of pigs and monkeys.

Fatwas are automatically awarded for all scores above 5
Fatwas will be posted in plain brown paper envelopes in a choice of laminated or embossed styles, generously sprinkled with ricin, anthrax, sarin and polonium.

british kaffir said...

Another tale of bungled bombing from Britanistan:


"A Muslim shaheed or ‘martyr’ (one who dies while killing infidels), may intercede with Allah to take 70 of his relatives to paradise with him, no matter what their sins.

This thought kept going through Papa's mind as he was considering a career for Sharif, the youngest and most useless of his eleven sons and umpteen daughters. Sharif wasn't much good for anything in this world, he couldn't even remember more than five aliases when filling in his welfare claims.

So a family council was called, and targets discussed. Aircraft, schools and trains had their pros and cons. But then Sharif's sister Parveen had a brain-wave. "Killing Christians is indeed pleasing to Allah, but you get treble points for killing Joooooz. - Let's send him to Israel"

Everybody was in agreement apart from Momma, who wondered how Sharif was going to feed himself in paradise since this was the first time he'd been away from home and he couldn't even open a can.

"No problem" Papa explained "Out of 72 virgins some of them are going to be able to cook." Momma was not convinced they’d be able to cook as well as her.

Meanwhile Sharif went to the local Mosque’s laboratory to mix the relevant ingredients in the correct proportions.

The great day came, and Sharif rushed into an Israeli seaside bar shouting "I love Pepsi Cola more than you love death! Akkah Albar!" - He never could get anything right.

He pressed the detonator and there was a fizzle, and then a flame from his bomb belt - but no bang. Sharif was no great genius at chemistry, he'd made an incendiary mixture instead of explosives.

In an effort to extinguish the flames, Sharif ran out and jumped into the sea. It worked, but then he remembered he’d never learned to swim.

The body was washed up in due course, leaving and Papa and Momma very uncertain. Could Sharif be a Shaheed by just killing himself without taking any infidels with him? Eventually they decided to visit a medium to make contact and find out what he was doing in the afterlife.

“Tell me what it’s like where you are” said Papa.

Sharif’s voice came through the medium sounding squeaky and distorted.

“Well, I get up in the morning and have sex. Then I have a lettuce. I have sex again. Then I have a radish. Then more sex and celery and so on for the rest of the day.”

“Sex, sex and more sex!” Papa said “Truly my son you are indeed a Shaheed!”

But Momma was still a little anxious “You’ll need more than salad to keep your strength up with all that exercise. Aren’t they feeding you properly in paradise?”

“Who said anything about paradise?” Sharif’s voice replied. “I’ve been reincarnated as a rabbit in Salinas valley.”



based on

http://www.newstatesman.com/200604240017

british kafir said...

Questions and answers about Islam:


Q: What do you ask a man who's just converted to Islam?
A: Have you started beating your wife?


Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.


Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.


Q: Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
A: Neither did I.


Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What's toilet paper?


Q How can you recognise a well-balanced Muslim?
A He's got chips on both shoulders.


Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.


Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy Britain?
A. None, Gordon Brown can do it all by himself, thank you.


Q: What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing! You told her twice already!


Q: What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
A: Lefty!


Q: What's the difference between Dar al-Islam and a pot of bio-yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.


Q: What do you call a drunk Muslim?
A: Hamed.
Q: What do you call a very drunk Muslim?
A: Mohammed.


Q: What has long blonde hair, huge tits, and is currently living in a cave in Greenland?
A: Salman Rushdie.


------------------

Nine year old Aisha and her kid brother Ahmed are talking about Mohammed. Aisha said "Last night Uncle Mo came to me and told me I had the gates of paradise between my legs and he had the key between his"
"That's funny" Ahmed replied. "For the last two years he's been telling me it's Gabriel's trumpet and I've got to learn how to play it"

----------------------------

Guy goes into sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Assistant asks him whether he wants a Christian one or a Muslim one. Customer asks what's the difference. Assistant explains that you need a pump for the Christian doll, but the Muslim one blows itself up.

serket said...

I am sorry you have been inundated by this troll, but he does add some satire to life! I can't tell if he is being serious or not.

So they want to kill infidels, but protect old ladies and animals...

On the Islamiphobe test you lost me around number 17.