Sent: Thursday, July 17, 2008 1:52 PM
Subject: Campaign-Approved Jokes
From the Borowitz Report:
Saying he is "sympathetic to late night comedians' struggle to find jokes to make about me," Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes. The five jokes, which Sen. Obama said he is making available to all comedians free of charge, are as follows:
Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."
A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" Barack Obama replies, "His jockey just lost his health insurance, which should be the right of all Americans."
Q: What's black and white and red all over? Barack Obama: The New Yorker magazine, which should be embarrassed after publishing such a tasteless and offensive cover, which I reject and denounce.
A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, "This joke isn't going to work because there's no Muslim in this boat."
hey ,you know, the republicans are right, the mortgage crisis is only mental-just ask Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,only they are ill and can't respond, they are in the only industrialized nation in the world that doesn't offer health care to it's citizens-Germany has it(as does all of Europe,including Slovakia and the Czech Republic,two nations McCain is apparently unaware of) and has had it since before WWI!!!
By the way, what you think you know about VietNam obviously came from a right wing editorial piece , not from living in the States during that era- the Dems got their teeth kicked in for being too aggressive during the Johnson administration ,the citizenry didn't want their kids,brothers and fathers dying for a tiny Asian country-that's what people do with a "Wrong War" when everyone's kid could be drafted, not just volunteers who were back door drafted and whose tours are extended
By the way, having lived through it, our "failure to achieve ultimate victory" had a negative morale effect, but no effect on anyone's life.
Here is my response that caused the recipient to cut off contact with me. I welcome the responses of blog readers. If you think that it was too harsh, let me know.
"Slovakia and the Czech Republic,two nations McCain is apparently unaware of"
At least he's aware of how many states this country has, unlike Obama, who apparently thinks that we have 57. At least he's in favour of the U.S. keeping its deals, unlike Obama, who wants to rip up NAFTA because he's beholden to the unions who do NOTHING to make anyone's lives better. At least he's not in thrall of the U.N., a collection of tinpot dictators whose main purpose seems to be to give voice to anti-Semites around the world. At least he wants to do something about the energy issues confronting the U.S., unlike Obama, who specializes in saying "No" to every single way that the U.S. could employ to cut the cost of oil and transition to alternative fuel sources. At least he understand the reality on the ground in Iraq, unlike Obama, who still says that we're going to pull out in 16 months, improvements (I should actually say, VAST improvements) on the ground notwithstanding (even the Washington Post trashed Obama for his obtuseness on this issue). At least he understands Economics 101, unlike Obama, which is that making everyone around the country pay MORE in taxes is not going to spur the economy. At least he's not so freakin' naive and clueless, unlike Obama, that he understands that face-to-face negotiations with Iran will only legitimize a world leader who is rightfully considered a pariah (who's next, Barack? Hassan Nasrallah?).
And since you're apparently so big on socialized medicine, why don't you ask someone who's actually experienced it how wonderful it is? You know, someone like me. I watched as my aunt waited eight months for a spinal surgery that would have taken place here within days here [sic]. I watched (and am still watching) as my sister waits (three months and counting) for surgery to her torn ACL in that wonderful socialist utopia you apparently so desire to emulate. I watched as my mother waited for cancer treatment. Sorry, but socialized medicine SUCKS. No offense meant, XXXX, but you have no clue what you're talking about here. None.
On Vietnam, the facts are the facts. You may not like them, and they don't come from a "right wing editorial", but they are STILL the facts. The Democrats underwent a sea change in 1968. They stopped being the party of JFK and LBJ and become [sic. I should have written "became"] the party of McGovern and Ted Kennedy, and we are all the worse off for it.
"By the way, having lived through it, our "failure to achieve ultimate victory" had a negative morale effect, but no effect on anyone's life." You know what the end result of our pullouot in Southeast Asia was? Pol Pot and the killing fields in Cambodia. Millions died. I blame every freakin' naive, left-wing baby boomer for that horrific crime against humanity, and I hope that it it's on their conscience forever. Try telling the millions of Cambodians who died in those Killing Fields, the thousands of Vietnamese who died in "reeducation" camps, and the millions more who have been living under a dictatorial regime for 30+ years now that our pullout had no effect on anyone. Or maybe you could share your view with one of those veterans who was spat on by one of your self-indulgent, myopic, navel-gazing baby boomer buddies after returning home. See if he agrees with you.
I note your hidden insult towards the troops. Funny, but the ones I know (and yes, I do know some) WEREN'T "back door drafted" and stunningly (well, stunning to a Democrat, I'm sure, because Democrats can't conceive of anyone being stupid enough to join the military. Just ask John Kerry.), they VOLUNTEERED for additional tours of duty. You see, they seem to understand something that you and so many others obviously don't. Missions need to be completed. Once you commit to a conflict, you are in it to win. You don't (and can't) take your ball and go home, like your candidate wants us to do.
Also, please note that when I discuss politics with you, I don't cc (or bcc) anyone. It's not my place to share your political views with anyone, and I would appreciate it if you at least extended me that most basic of courtesies.
FYI,, Borowitz is a committed Democract. Go to his website if you don't believe me.